“What a doctor. I called him last week. I told him, ‘Doc, I swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills.’ He told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.” | Rodney Dangerfield

“With my wife, I got no sex life. The dog keeps watching me in the bedroom, wants to learn how to beg.” Think you have what it takes to riff with Rodney’s good friend, Jay Leno? Submit your best dog joke to the You Bet Your Life with Jay Leno Smart Dog Contest for your chance to take home $1000! Visit https://youbetyourlife.com/smartdog to enter. | Rodney Dangerfield

“I tell ya, with my wife there’s always something. Like the other night, she said to me, ‘When’s the last time you thought about taking me out to dinner?’ I told her, ‘It was right after the last meal you cooked at home.’” | Rodney Dangerfield

“I remember things from when I was a kid. The time I asked my old man where I came from. He told me I was brought by a crow.” | Rodney Dangerfield

The great Rodney Dangerfield would have been 99 today. Appearing on the show 17 times between 1967-1971, Ed Sullivan viewers loved his sense of humor and famous catchphrases. Join us in showing some respect to Dangerfield on his birthday! https://EdSullivan.lnk.to/Dangerfield1968FP | The Ed Sullivan Show